Twisted memories

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Let’s talk about ptsd and those awful anniversaries.

This week marks a year since my last inpatient stay and just like clock work today started with crying and tons of anxiety. When you have ptsd and it’s an anniversary of something traumatic that happened to you, your body has the nicest way of reminding you..

“Hey! Remember that awful thing that happened to you this time last year?!Here, why don’t you think about it. Really think about it. I’ll even allow you to feel all the exact same emotions and fears. I’ll send images to you.. sights, smells, and sounds because for some reason I think you NEED it. ”

Thanks asshole brain.

As if I needed a constant reminder of my pain.

Trust me, I don’t.

this week I’ll up my self care. Take my walks. Breathe, cry, yell, and most importantly, up my therapy sessions to get me through the rough patches.

Even though this time last year I was in the midst of the darkness. I was shattered. So overwhelmed…that I started planning my way out. I somehow managed to outsmart those depressive voices that told me dying was the only answer and I checked myself in, I did that.

Little warrior me.

I woke up today to feel the sunshine on my face once more and to hear my sons sweet voice. So even if I feel like absolute shit (mentally) I take with me that I have crawled, clawed, screamed, and kicked my way to this day.

& Maybe next year instead of this pain I’ll remember my braveness and the strength it took to seek help .. with a hint of what depression has done to my life.

To all of you with ptsd:

I feel you, I get it.

I’m with you.

Maybe one day we can reclaim our minds and rebuild or lives

Feel the joy of feeling “safe” again.

Till then, carry on beautiful warrior

Fight for your peace.

You deserve it.

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5 thoughts on “Twisted memories

  1. I just want you to know that you are a warrior. You have come so far and done so much in order to be here with us today. I know I/we may not say it enough, but I am extremely proud of you! I am so enamored with your spirit and your deiveto get you better. I hope that the veil will part, and you can see all of your hard work, love and how far you have come. You are a great mother, terrific partner, and you remain unselfish and I couldn’t be happier for who you are. I/we love you very much! I hope your day goes and ends better than it started. #Wegotyourback

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I feel you, I stand with you, and I hear you. My little boy started the day by howling like a wolf….always a great thing to do when you don’t know what else to do! Hello Monday! Howhowhoouuuuuuuuuuuul! xoxo Keep on fighting, Warrior Momma!

    Liked by 1 person

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