The first year. 

I woke up today after only a couple of hours of sleep. That awful feeling in the pit of my stomach in full blast. I am having a really hard time coming to terms with the fact that my sons first birthday is only a few days away.  For the longest time I've been convinced [...]

hope floats….away.

   .......(my life at the moment)  days like today are so hard for me. I try my hardest to keep myself from being swallowed up by this illness. I'm struggling so very badly. I put on a brave face for my loved ones so that they won't see the mess I'm in. Forcing a smile [...]

Postpartum Care

A change in scenery from previous posts.  Let me begin by saying WOMEN are MAGICAL creatures This is going to be a postpartum care 101. I'm highlighting the most important parts to me. The shit I wish people would have warned me with.  After birth. First off, Your lady flower (vagina) is going to feel as [...]

where it all began 

  As my pregnancy progressed so did my emotions.. I journaled my whole pregnancy. A journal that ended up being thrown away because reading my entries left me so choked up. My mental stability started to plummet at 3 months into my pregnancy I was riddled with anxiety.....and depression slowly followed. For someone who has [...]

Hyperemesis Gravidarum (when carrying a baby almost kills you) 

Wait, Before you read my story I want you to get a background on what I'm about to share with you. No, sometimes pregnancy is the worst thing to ever happen to a woman. Sometimes moms get sick, I mean really fucking sick. Hyperemesis Gravidarum has robbed me of what was supposed to be the [...]

WTF is happening to me? 

Sometimes, most of the time....I feel as if I'm not really alive anymore.. In those terrifying moments in my pregnancy, birth, and after..where I thought dying was surely the next step my mind kinda sorta just tapped out. & it just hasn't decided to tap back in. I feel like an outsider to my surroundings. [...]